Intense Insane In Love Page 10

CHAPTER TEN

  "Good afternoon," I tell him. He glances in my direction, barely acknowledging me before taking a seat at the back of the room. Why didn't he sit in the middle? I’m beginning to questioning my seating choice.

  "Does it matter where I sit?"

  He looks at me as if irritated by my question, "Do you see any name tags on the chairs?" I hear the unspoken "moron" at end of his question.

  "No," I respond, regretting I asked such a stupid question.

  "Then there's your answer. You figured that out all by yourself."

  What a miserable man. Deciding to make no further attempts at conversing with such a brute, I occupy myself with my phone. Moments later, I feel him staring at me. When I look up at him, he's leaning back casually, his chair angled to face me.

  Maybe I should make conversation. "How are these meetings like?"

  He looks at his watch, then at me. "In seven more minutes, you'll see," he tells me dismissively. My mouth opens in amazement.

  "How are you doing Lovemann?" Peter walks in filling the room with positive energy.

  "Good. How are you Peter? Where have you been hiding?"

  "I've been -" He notices Jacob. "What's up Jay?"

  "Nothing bro, what's up with you?"

  "Laura has been trying to get in contact with you," Peter informs him as he takes the seat next to me. "Did you get her messages?"

  "I got them."

  "Since when did you start attending these meetings?"

  "My schedule opened up."

  "I see." The two men exchange looks that I can't decipher.

  Peter turns his attention back to me, "How has your day been so far Leah."

  "Good."

  Peter and I converse casually about the up-coming monthly close until UB corporate controllers begin to fill the room. Once everyone arrives Peter begins. Throughout the meeting Linda never stops talking, every two minutes interjecting her comments and ideas. I say very little, trying my best not to publicize how little I still know.

  Jacob needs to stop staring at me so openly. His gaze is unrepentant. This is not normal or sane. If he continues with such brazen behavior people will begin to notice, rumors will start about me getting my position on my back. I smile at the thought; me and Jacob Boyd, the subject of hot and sensual office gossip. How does one strategically start office gossip about one’s self? … Just a thought.

  It's already thirty to five when I return to my office. I plan to run out of here in a half hour. I'm too tired to work late tonight, I'll work late tomorrow. I didn't get much sleep last night. A horrible nightmare woke me up at three in the morning. It was about Robert and Kari.

  In the dream, years had pasted and they were happily married with two kids, a boy and a girl. Robert was a senator and Kari was the perfect senator's wife. All of New York adored her. She didn't even age. I was - this is where the scary part comes in - their maid.

  I wasn't even good at it. The responsibility of cleaning their mansion was overwhelming. They kept me in the basement. I couldn't come up when company was present. My clothes were worn out and I looked like I was a hundred years old. I had no children or friends just twenty abusive cats that couldn't stand me.

  The cats were upset with me for giving them the wrong food. Somehow I spoke cat, and explained to them we ran out of that particular brand. They didn't want to hear it. A first cat attacks me, scratching and biting me, then a second, and a third. Pretty soon all of them jumped me. That's when I woke up terrified, unable to go back to sleep.

  It's a quarter to. As I'm about to shut down my computer I notice an e-mail from Jacob. Afraid to open it, I brace myself with a deep breath before clicking on the email.

  Jacob wants me to give him a forecast for my regions profits. But I did that two days ago, which is exactly what I respond.

  Do it again, he writes back.

  This is ridiculous. Looking out my door, I can see his office. I feel like walking over there and giving him a piece of my mind. Instead, I bring up my financials on the computer and begin to prepare the forecast.

  Two hours into it I hear Ashley talking. Lifting my head, I see Jacob exiting his office on the other end of the floor. He and Ashley head for the elevators. Outraged, I get up from my desk and slam my door shut in protest. After pacing around the room for several minutes, I step outside my office. My eyes sweep the entire floor. I'm the only one here. I'm leaving. If he tells me anything tomorrow I'll tell him he can take this job and shove it.

  After shutting down the computer I grab my coat and head for the elevators. "I'll show him," I say to myself, aggressively jabbing the down button for the elevator with my finger. "Lovemann!"

  I jump.

  From down the hallway, Jacob walks towards me. "Didn't I ask you to let me know when you were done? Can't you follow the simplest of directions?" His eyes are blood shoot red. There's something off about him. He appears inebriated. "Were you going to have me here waiting for you all night?"

  "I thought you already left. I went by your office -"

  "I was in my office," he snaps, cutting me off. "Are you done with the forecast?"

  "No, I'm not." With one last step he closes the distance between us.

  "Your deadline is tonight." His breath fans against my skin. It smells like Listerine.

  "I received the request two hours ago."

  "That's not my problem."

  "I'll have it on your desk first thing tomorrow morning." There's no way I'm returning to my office.

  Without saying a word he stands there. Slowly, his gaze sweeps over my face, questioning, suspicious.

  I look away.

  A loud cling announces the arrival of the elevator - finally.

  When I step towards the elevator, he grabs hold of my arm. "Let go of me," I tell him calmly. Not willing to allow him to continue to intimidate me, I meet his gaze and keep it.

  In his eyes I’m confronted with a glimpse of him - rage, fear, and hopelessness pierces through me. The intensity, the rawness of his suffering so closely mirrors my own, it shocks me. A sharp pain shoots straight through my heart. Rubbing my hand over my chest, I attempt to chase it away.

  "Do you know me?" His voice cracks. "I mean from before."

  "From before, when?" Without considering the backlash I cover his hand with mine. Not to remove it from my arm but to comfort him. Somehow, I want to lessen his misery.

  His index finger caresses the side of mine from beneath.

  "Are you alright?"

  Abruptly, he steps away from me, breaking contact. "I'm fine. Forget it."

  "I can stay and finish the forecast."

  His back is already to me. "No. Go home."

  Walking to the train station I can't stop thinking about Jacob. He has to be the most walled off person I've ever met. Yet, there is something about him that draws me to him.

  Staring out the train window as I continue to ponder Jacob, I'm pulled away from my thoughts. This odd insipid looking guy vacates his seat to take the one next to me - on this empty train. I am so not in the mood. Avoiding all forms of physical contact I lean away from him. After a few minutes he asks, "Do you know what the last stop on the train is?"

  Although, I get off at the last stop I tell him, "No idea". Not getting the hint, he introduces himself as Steve. I don't offer my name. Undiscouraged, he proceeds with a one-sided conversation. The more he talks, it becomes obvious that Steve has a creepy nervousness about him, making it painful to be in his company. If I had to guess, I would say that he hears several voices in his head.

  "I work for the Philadelphia school district." He tells me as he continues with the torture.

  "That's nice."

  "But it's not like I need the money because I don't. I have a trust fund. My monthly allowance is fifteen thousand."

  "Of course," I say looking at the fifteen dollar Timex on his wrist.

  "But I only spend about seven thousand a month. I'm looking for a g
irlfriend to help me spend the rest…" He continues to go on and on about how wealthy he is and then he asks me out.

  "I'm very flattered Stan, but I'm already in a relationship."

  "Steve."

  "Excuse me?"

  "My name is Steve."

  "I'm sorry. Mental error."

  "No problem. We can go as friends. It's not like you're married."

  "I'm sorry. I can't. My boyfriend is very jealous and dangerous. He actually just got released from prison."

  "You're very beautiful. I know I had no chance but it was worth a try." After saying this he goes quiet. I feel like a snob. No wonder I'm alone. Here is a perfectly nice guy asking me out and I turn him down for no reason. I am single and lonely and work is the most interesting part of my social life. A date is exactly what I need. I need to be reminded that I am desirable and that not all men are like Robert. Not all men will sleep with your best friend for years, and get her pregnant.

  "You're a very classy woman. Your boyfriend is one lucky man."

  "Thank you." What a cool guy. Even though I just turned him down he is still being very positive and behaving nicely towards me.

  "Did you see that new Nick Cage movie? It's awesome."

  "No. I don't really like his work."

  "Me neither," he tells me. "What do you like?"

  "I prefer plays."

  "Yeah, me too. I love plays. As a matter of fact, there's a really good play in that theater. Has your boyfriend taken you to see it yet?"

  "No. Which theater?"

  "I forget the name. I already have tickets, and this is the last week. I can take you."

  "No thank you…guy." What was his name again? I think it’s Sam but I'm not sure.

  "Please."

  "Sorry, I can't"

  "Please. Please. Please." He is practically begging. This whole scene would be doing wonders for my ego if he - whatever his name is - wasn't so odd. Looking at him he's not hideous or anything - nerdy, not my type, but not hideous. His head is abnormally shaped but he is definitely not the ugliest guy I've ever seen.

  "Please. Make my day."

  Why the heck not? I open my mouth to say yes but the words won't come out. "I can't Scott."

  "My name is Steve." His right eye begins to twitch a little. "Are you sure you don't want to go?"

  "Pretty sure." A smile is frozen on my face. My discomfort is amplified as his twitch worsens. Now his right shoulder accompanies his eye with a sharp upward jerking.

  He begins to stand. "The next stop is mine."

  Thank goodness.

  "Hopefully, I'll see you on the train tomorrow night." I hope not.

  "Goodnight."

  He walks towards the double doors then turns around. "Can I at least get your name?"

  "Kari," I tell him as the train doors open.

  Finally, the train reaches the last stop. Walking to my car I see that I've missed a call from Carol, so I call her back.

  "Hey."

  "What's new?"

  "Nothing. Have you heard from Kari?"

  "Yeah, she was by the house the other day. Have you heard from Robert?"

  "No, not since he left PA. Besides he has no reason to contact me. He and Kari have a baby on the way? That's what he needs to think about." The bitter taste of betrayal fills my senses, it's strong but dissipating.

  "Don't fake with me. I know you're hurt. He'll be sniffing back at your heels again like I dog searching for his scent...I wonder how Mr. X feels about Robert and Kari?"

  "Carol you can stop the act now. I figured out Mr. X is Robert."

  In a low sympathetic voice she asks, "How long did you know?"

  "For most of the five years."

  "Really? You should seriously consider going into acting. I thought you didn't have a clue. I know you liked the idea of being a senator's wife, therefore I can see why you put up with Robert's crap but why stay friends with Kari?"

  "I owe her. We have been through too much together for anything to end our friendship…I did not stay with Robert because he may one day be a senator."

  "Of course you did. There's nothing wrong with that if that's what you want sweetie."

  She must have not heard me, let me repeat myself. "My feelings for Robert Cole had nothing to do with his prospects of a political career."

  "Well did you love him?"

  "Good night Carol."

  "Alright I understand. Who wants to speak the truth when a lie makes you feel so much better?" She's starting to aggravate me.

  "Why do I talk to you?"

  "Because I tell you the truth and since Kari isn't talking to you. I'm your only friend."

  "Good bye Carol," I hang up before she can respond.

  Yes, I admit it. I stayed because Robert, being the son of a well-known New York senator will probably become a senator within the next decade. That was appealing to me, and it still is. But in the beginning it was more than that. I was looking for someone to love, protect me, and make me feel safe, someone that my heart could call home. For a short time he did make me feel safe, desired and special.

  When I realized it was all a fruitless, impracticable lie, I couldn't let go. I couldn't face another failure, another rejection. So I settled - for a more practical lie - a happy senator's wife. The more I thought about it the more I fell in love with the idea. I saw all the endless possibilities that our future held. I would become a senator's wife, we would have the perfect kids, live in the perfect house, and every woman in New York City would wish they were me. My father would regret abandoning me and my mom. He would see that I was worth the effort and die with regret. All Robert needed was for me to prove to him how perfect I was for him, show him how great we would be together.

  By the end of our first year too much had happened for us to ever be happy. The relationship was already damaged far beyond repair. It was more than Kari. It was me. I have too many issues. Our sex life ended as soon as it started. He became frustrated, I couldn't blame him. His resentment grew, increasing the space between us. The more I tried the more I realized that I couldn't be fixed. I felt defective. There is something permanently wrong with me.

  A man's ego is linked to his penis and it takes both to connect him with a woman. It took some time for me to recognize who she was. When I finally accepted that she was not me the betrayal left my heart feeling mutilated. The pain cut deep to my core. Screw him, I thought. I put my focus on my career and was able to get a position at Deloitte one of the top three CPA firms. I worked over sixty hours a week, for two years, before I was a certified CPA. Shortly after that I was promoted to manager. Mentally I moved on from Robert but emotionally I couldn't let go. I couldn't handle the defeat. So I found myself competing with another woman - my best friend.

  Towards the end of our second year together, Robert and I broke up for three miserable months. In that time I dated every loser in New York. They all lead me back to Robert. Compared to them he was a catch. I had given him two years of my life at that point. Why should I just give him to another woman? So I stuck it out. I told myself he was sowing his oats and one day he'd get sick of sleeping around. He didn't.

  I should have left then but I was stupid, too terrified to be alone again. Fearing if I left him I would never find someone else. Two years turned into five and I have nothing but bitterness and regret to show for all that wasted time. I was supposed to be married with kids already. Instead I'm approaching thirty, and starting over from scratch. I'm in a new state, with a new job, no ring, no man, and no prospects except some guy on the train with an abnormal twitch that hears voices.

  I don’t even have my best friend anymore.

  Is this all that life has in store for me? Where is my happily after? Where is my prince charming? Unable to answer those questions I pull onto the driveway and get inside. Too tired to eat, I get undressed and go straight to bed.

  As I lay there with my eyes closed, my thoughts return to touching Jacob’s hand by the
elevator. Why am I thinking of that, of him? That man is so uncouth, but still I would be less than honest if I said that I wasn’t attracted to him. There seems to be some kind of connection between the two of us. With the hopelessness and loneliness of life weighing down on me, I feel overwhelmed. I need an escape, a release. With my mind wondering what it would be like to have Jacob’s hands on me, my hand slowly and tenderly slides down my body to the center of my pleasure, setting me free…

  Book two of this intense series is available for FREE

  Read Intense Insane In Love (Part II) for FREE

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  Intense Insane In Love (Part II)

  Read Intense Insane In Love (Part II) for FREE

  https://intenseinsaneinlov.wix.com/sd-becca#!iii-part-ii-free/co3c