Intense Insane In Love Read online

CHAPTER EIGHT

  They what?

  I must have heard her wrong.

  "Excuse me?"

  "Peter thought you were great but he decided to go a different direction. I'm sorry. If something else comes up I'll be sure to let you know."

  Even as I hang up the phone I still don't believe I heard her correctly. Peter offered me the job. He introduced me to Jacob's secretary as the new controller. What could have gone wrong?

  After twenty minutes of crying and giving myself the finger in the mirror, my shock subsides. Fear is now setting in. Taking the bottle of Ativan from the medicine cabinet, I pop it open, and take two to calm my nerves.

  Oh Jesus, help me. What have I done?

  Am I really going to have to take that temporary position? Will I ever find a job as a manager again? I'm even a bigger loser than I already was. Not only am I man less but I'm also jobless. I walk over to the bed, collapse across it, and pass out.

  A consistent knocking wakes me up. Rolling to my side I glance at the clock, it's seven o'clock.

  "What?" I call out.

  "I cooked. Come eat," Robert says from behind the door.

  Getting up to brush my teeth, I yell out, "I'm coming."

  I pop another two Atavans and notice that my hands are shaking.

  Robert calls for me to come eat again. He's getting restless, probably hungry. I ignore my nerves and head for the kitchen. As my bedroom door opens I notice that all of the lights are off. In the kitchen Robert has a candle light dinner waiting. I'm now very suspicious.

  "What's all this?"

  He pulls out a chair for me, "Just sit."

  "Wow, chicken marsala, my favorite. When did you buy it?"

  "I went to the market, while you were sleeping."

  "Oh." I take a bite. "It tastes wonderful."

  After a few moments of eating in silence Robert asks me, "Do you remember when we first met?"

  "Yeah, I remember." I'm quickly finding the topic irksome but I know my sour disposition is not all due to him. The rejection from United Blue is still stabbing at my ego. I feel like a woman who expected a call after a one night stand - easy and foolish. When he never calls she takes a chance, puts herself out there, and calls him. Then…Bam! Come to find out the deceiver is married with a hundred kids.

  "I asked you out and you rejected me. Even then you were rejecting me," Robert says pitifully, bringing my attention back to our conversation. "I did not reject you. I was studying for my CPA and couldn't afford distractions. It's not like I discouraged you. Three months later, the day after taking my last exam, you called me seven o'clock in the morning insisting that I have breakfast with you."

  "I'm persistent. That's a quality you love about me." I want to tell him, I wish I was the only woman he went after with such persistence, but I hold my tongue. "For those three months I couldn't stop thinking about you. It took a lot of begging to get your number out of Carol."

  "Mental note, shoot Carol." I'm only partially joking.

  "I'm not that bad."

  "You're also not that good or faithful or honest…Should I go on?"

  "You're not painting an honest picture of me. I've treated you very well. You had a four month probation period before sex. I waited. I was a perfect gentleman."

  "I should have known then you were too good to be true."

  Ignoring my statement, he continues with the mind fucking. "Leah I've done everything but kill to be with you. I'm not about to let you go now. Not without a fight."

  "I don't think you have a choice Robert, just like I didn't have a choice."

  "What choice didn't you have?"

  "You sleep with my best friend. You guys didn't give me a choice. It was happening. I had to deal with it. It's your turn to deal with it. You see how that works?"

  "Lee-"

  "No. Do not Lee me," I begin to raise my voice. "Speaking of how patiently you waited those four months, could it have been because you were already getting the ride of your life with Kari? While I worked late you get to screw my best friend behind my back, in the apartment that I shared with her. Do you know how many nights I came home from work and smelled you on her?"

  I get up, wipe the tears from my eyes and switch all the lights on. "Screw you Robert! You piece of shit! You've been mind fucking me for five miserable years. No more. No fucking more."

  "Lee baby calm down-"

  "Don't you dare try to calm me down like I'm crazy, and don't you dare deny it. The looks you two gave each other, do you think I never noticed? Every time we are at Carols or at a party you disappear and where do I find you? With Kari." I begin to pace around the kitchen. "You think I didn't know? No. You knew I knew. You just didn't give a damn. Everybody knew. I was a joke. But you didn't care because you're a greedy bastard. You wanted to have your cake and eat it too - the hell with the calories."

  "Calories? What? Leah -"

  "I'm done. We are completely over. You wanted Kari so bad, now you can have her - or not. I don't care. I'm exiting this love triangle. I'm done. Done!" My hands are shaking like a leaf in the wind, and I can't stop the tears from pouring out of me. All the hurt and pain, it's like I'm feeling it for the first time all at once.

  "Leah," he says calmly as if he is talking to a child. "Stop this. I am not having some torrid affair with Kari. I would never hurt you like that. You know that." He walks over to me and holds me. My sobs get harder. I feel weak, small, and so powerless.

  "Sweetheart, you're shaking. Calm down. You're just nervous about making such a big move. Do you need to take a pill?" Unable to talk I shake my head no. I feel like I'm fifteen and helpless again. He begins to caress me. "Lee, baby, I love you. Take these horrible thoughts out of your head. You're imaging things." He takes my emotional state as an opening to manipulate me into sex, kissing me while his hands make their way under my shirt.

  "Stop. Please stop. I don't want to, don't pressure me."

  He tilts my chin up to make me look at him. "Lee, sweetheart, it's just me and you here, no one else. Don't think of anything else except for me and you."

  My anger flares. "Don't talk to me like that."

  "Like what?"

  "Like I'm some victim, like I'm a mental case. I know it's you here Robert and I don't want you to freaking touch me." He backs away. I see his hurt, and I think it’s real - good. It's about time someone else feels some pain.

  "That's right I don't want you to touch me. As a matter of fact I can't stand even the thought of your hands on me. You don't love me. I'm not even sure if you like me."

  "Then why am I here?"

  "I don't know, maybe I'm so damn easy to control you just can't give it up. You like the power. But Kari's not that easy, is she?" I laugh. "She played you for the fool you are. Moron. She has you trapped. I bet you didn't even see it coming. You never had to worry about that with me because the thought of having part of you growing inside me makes me sick to my stomach. You're a heartless man Robert Cole. You don't know how to love. After you leave tomorrow stay the hell away from me, erase me from your memory."

  "I didn't know you felt that way?" He's definitely hurt, his eyes are glossy.

  I stand my ground. "Now you do."

  "I almost wish I was screwing Kari, at least then I would have warranted such abuse. All I've done is love you Leah, unconditionally. Don't worry I'll figure out how to stop. I'll leave you alone if that's what you want. Goodnight." He walks off to the guest room.

  Guilt overtakes me. I took out my frustration on him. He didn't deserve that. I wish I can take it all back. I want to go apologize but instead I walk to my bedroom and close the door. After popping another pill, I go to bed.

  Maybe when I wake up tomorrow, I'll realize this was just a horrible nightmare. Or better yet, maybe I won't wake up.

  It's been two weeks since Robert left, and I haven't heard a word from him. He is probably trying to make me feel guilty for the things that I told him the night before he left.
As for Kari she hasn't been returning my calls either. I guess she's mad. I don't really care.

  These past two weeks I haven't done much. Haven't really been out, except for Tuesday when I did that interview for the temporary staff accountant position. They called me yesterday to tell me I got the job. I'm starting on Monday - unlucky me. I'll be working under a twenty-four year old that has a fraction of my experience and education.

  Today I was planning on going to Center City to look around. Maybe stake out the United Blue building and run over that bastard Jacob Boyd with my BMW as he crosses the street. Instead, this morning I woke up depressed thinking about my new loser job and lost my appetite for murder. Jerry Springer is on the television, they just came back from commercial. Stephanie, a young woman in her early twenties is there to tell Keshia, her best friend since childhood, that she slept with her boyfriend Kevin.

  "It was in the heat of the moment Jerry. It just happened once," Stephanie, the backstabbing slut, tells the host Jerry Springer.

  After Jerry's introduction, Keshia, the clueless victim comes out. Of course she doesn't take the news well, but the girl is strong. She doesn't break down crying, she immediately begins to beat the daylights out of Stephanie.

  "Beat her down!" I scream at the television. "I had to deal with that crap for five years. She's not a friend. Beat her like an enemy. Show no mercy." Security breaks them up and now it's time for the boyfriend to come out.

  "Baby, it was just that one time. It meant nothing to me. I was thinking of you the whole time." Kevin's frankness hurts Stephanie's feelings so she attacks the guy.

  "Did you think he loved you? You dumb slut." I shout at the TV. Kevin ignores Stephanie's weak punches and focus on telling Keshia more lies in hopes she's dumb enough to forgive him.

  "It'll never happen again," Kevin pleads.

  Slap.

  "That's right, hit him again. He deserves it," I yell at the television while slapping my knee with each word.

  The phone rings, but I ignore it. Whoever it is, I don't want to talk to them, I rather watch people debase themselves on TV. It makes me feel much better about my disastrous life.

  "Good morning Leah this is Denise Kalzowitz from Finance Professionals." At the sound of her voice I mute the TV and pick up. Maybe she has another job that she wants to submit my resume for.

  "Hi Denise."

  "Hi Leah, I'm glad I got you. I have great news." The excitement in her voice amps up my mood.

  "What's the news?" I ask, almost cheerfully.

  "United Blue called me this morning. They want you on board."

  "Excuse me?" I know I heard her wrong.

  "They want you on board. When should I tell them you can start?"

  "Start?" I sneaker, the nerve of these people, "Please tell them I'm no longer interested in the position."

  "You've found a job?" Denise sounds confused. "I didn't know you were working with another agency."

  "I'm not," I lie. "I found this job on my own."

  "Have you started yet?"

  "No."

  "United Blue might be able to match whatever they are paying. Would you like me to ask?"

  "No. I'm not interested. I'm in the middle of something. I have to go."

  After hanging up with her, I don't give the conversation a second thought. Taking the television off of mute I see that Jerry Springer has moved to another segment. This woman, I didn't catch her name, just found out that her husband has been cheating on her with a stripper. She's crying and asking him why.

  "Why do you think dummy? Because you're so damn weak, he knows you'll put up with it." I scold my married counterpart on the other end of the television screen. The stripper comes out and instead of the wife beating up the stripper the stripper is beating the crap out of the wife.

  Where is the justice in this life?

  Unable to watch the slaughter, I turn the channel. Scanning channels I stop on a movie channel. There's a movie on about a married woman having an affair. About time we women start doing it to them. See how they like it.

  Something's vibrating on my bed. I lift up my sheets and see that it's my cell phone.

  "Hi Carol," I say after muting the TV.

  Wasting no time she immediately begins to complain, "Why haven't you been returning my calls?"

  "I've been working twelve hours a day trying to catch up and understand the insurance industry? It's extremely complex. I haven't gotten a chance to socialize."

  "I'll accept that excuse this time. How do you like it?"

  "I love it. It's just so…Awesome. Great. Fantastic."

  "Any good looking guys?"

  "I haven't been looking."

  "You need to start. How about PA, do you like it?"

  "Love it. I'm actually having lunch at Love Park as we speak."

  "Aren't you cold?"

  "That's how much I love it. The cold doesn't even bother me."

  "Have you heard from Kari?"

  "No. I've called but she hasn't returned my calls."

  "Same here. The child is M.I.A."

  "She'll show up." My home phone begins to ring. I see an unfamiliar number on the caller id.

  "What's that ringing?"

  "Someone next to me…their phone…Carol I'll call you later, I have to prepare for a meeting."

  "I thought you were at lunch." Damn. Why can't I ever get my lies straight? "I'm eating and working. I barely have any free time."

  "Alright, you better call me back."

  "Ok." Hanging up with her I answer my home phone.

  "Hello?"

  "Hello, is this Leah Lovemann?"

  "Yes." Recognizing the voice, I smile.

  "I hear you've turned me down."

  "Who is it that I'm speaking to?" My tone remains formal.

  "Peter Boyd."

  "I'm sorry the name isn't ringing a bell, Peter Boyd from where?"

  He chuckles. "I'm the CFO from United Blue. I interviewed you for a management position a few weeks ago."

  "Oh…That's right. I completely forgot. I've been getting so many job offers it's hard to keep track. How can I help you Mr. Boyd?"

  "You can come and work for me."

  "No thank you. I'm going to have to pass."

  "May I ask why?"

  "I'm no longer in the market. Out of curiosity, what happened? Didn't you decide to go with someone else?"

  "No. It was nothing like that."

  "What was it?" I ask in a flat tone.

  He pauses for a moment then cautiously continues. "Jacob Boyd, our CEO, he was there briefly during the interview. Do you remember him?"

  "No, I can't say that I do. What about him?"

  "He wasn't sure if you were the right person for the position. He felt you were over qualified, but now he wants you on board."

  "He was right. I am over qualified for the position. I had only done the interview as a practice. I'm sorry you wasted your time calling me. I wish you luck with whoever you decide to go with."

  "What can I do to make you accept my offer?"

  "Good-bye Mr. Boyd." I slam the phone down and return to my TV.

  That prick Jacob Boyd, how dare him change his mind about me and have Peter call me up like this? Like some old fling wanting to start thing's up again, asking for another shot at breaking my heart. That's not going to happen.